oRgANiZeD ChAoS

the influence..

2007-07-01T09:01:33Z

“I very much regret to be the one to tell you darling, but you are positively in love with that boy.”Monty informed Brenda over their tea table.

The afternoon tea was being served by the Alphas. Cakes and cookies could be found all around; much to Erica's delight.

Dylan and Erica had not left yet. Why, in all the gods name, was he still there? He has to be bored, Brenda thought. Sitting at the other side of the room, having his tea surely the same way he had somehow learned Lord Byron used to have it, not talking to Kelly and still not talking to Brenda. In two words, being Dylan; this was Dylan without Brenda. And Brenda suspected so.

-I am not. Can we just drop this?

-No, we cannot. This is important. Now, fess it out, child.

Brenda flashed her long lashes at the old Lady and said nothing.

-Honestly Brenda, it would seem like you do not trust me.
-Well,- Brenda shuggred -I don't. I just met you today.- she said, mocking serious.

Monty gave Brenda her most menacing gaze and then, slightly racing one eyebrow, she went

-You insist on denying your feelings then?- Brenda just looked away.

-Very well.- Monty said, crossing her arms and stearing defiantly at the girl -You came back from your horse ride all by yourself and imediatly blushed after catching Dylan's eye. I demand to know why?

Brenda could not believe her ears. Was this what it was like to be old? Having nothing to do and just stearing at other people and messing with their lives? Something just told me I should have stayed home today. Brandon didn't want to come, that had to be some sort of sign.

-Still waiting, darling.

brinita @ 2007-06-29T00:31:00

2007-06-29T06:32:12Z

tO fUcK thiNgS uP JuSt cOmeS sO NatURaL tO mE..

2007-06-26T21:12:25Z

So, saturday was one of my beSt friend's birthday party and, why not? I screwed up. And why? same old reason, bc I was drunk.
I don't know, I mean, I feel awful bc of what I did, but at the same time I keep thinking "It wasn't such big a deal" and it makes me so sad that she would get so mad at me about something like this. I don't know. I admit I was wrong, but maybe she's overacting? I thoght I'd write about it here. 'tis the first personal post I do, only bc another opinion might help me to feel less like human waste, you know how it is.

Yesterday, my friend Mel came to my house to talk to me. Adri's b-day party had been on saturday, and it had been great! Not lots of people, only like 25 or 30, plus family. It was a hawaiian party, you know: the pool, the beach, the pineapples, the little umbrellas, the piñas coladas ;), and lots of alcohol. I can honestly say there were more alcohol that people. You see, my friends and I... well, we like to drink, simple as that. It's not like we get fucking drunk every single weekend or anything, but we do enjoy it; and anyway, it's a party, one that starts at 1:30 PM and ends at 2:00 AM, where 30 bottles of rum can be found; of course people is gonna get bloody wasted!

Ok so, the party was good; tequila hadn't gotten the best of me (which, btw, makes me v proud of myself. If only things could have ended there...) So I enjoyed the party and everyone was happy, but by 1:15 AM, all the empty bottles started to take it's toll. The floor wasn't... quite as regular as it had been half and hour before, and it was getting hot; so I decided to get into the pool for a quick swim before we all left. Almost everyone had gone home; there were just Adri's parents, Mel, John and Daniel (also friends of mine), Brian (Adri's boyfriend) and a couple of other people and, well, myself.

So I get into the pool, where Adri and Brian were talking (fighting would be more like it) and started to talk to them. The moment I got in, Adri got out of the pool. She was tired and kind of drunk, and upset bc her boyfriend was drunk too, and he had been drinking more than enough in front of her parents, and he didn't want the party to end. He wanted us to go to some friend's house were all our other friends were going to be.

So Brian and I started to talk, not about Adri, but about Otto, the boy I am fucking in love with, but doesn't seem to care; and we were talking about how I am leaving for the rest of the summer and stuff like that, and we were drinking some more while doing so.
Now, what you have to know is, Brian and I? we've known each other since... forever. I mean, all of us. Adri, Mel, Brian, John, Susan, Michael, Jake, Leo, Jordan, Gris, Sandra, Andrea, Cristy, Gaby, Monica, Magda, me... we've been together since king-der garden. But I don't mean together like just in the same classroom, I mean best friends, for like 15 years. We all made new friends when we got to high school; Daniel,( who's been Mel's boyfriend for 3 years, and now goes to college with Jon, and Jake and I are bestfriends with him) is one of them. Otto? (the one I was telling you before) he plays football with Brian, and he's friends with all of them, bc they went to high school together. (he was at the party actually) What I mean is, we are so close that none of us has friends the others do not know; it's like... if one of us sneezes, we all get a cold.

Adri and Brian? she had a crush on him when we were 13. They became a couple when we turned 14, and a year after they broke up. Now, 3 years later? they have been together for a year, true love for life and all. And we've been there the whole way. Susan and Michael? they started dating when we were in junior high! we were hardly 14! and after some time it was over. And then a year later? on again. Now they've been together for 4 years and, you know what? they have a kid!! That's right. Thay had a baby together on April 2006. A child. His name is Diego, and he is officially our nephew. We all were there at the hospital the day he was born; Adri and Brian had a fight that day, I remember. So yeah, I mean, you could say we are unhealthily close.

So when you think about that, there's nothing weird on me, staying 30 minutes in the pool, talking to Brian. But it upset Adri. Mel tells me Brian and I were way too close to each other at the pool, and that we were hugging but hey-- we always hug. That's just the way it works. So yeah, ok, we were close, and we hugged each other. Mel says it didn't looked well. And we did spent more that half an hour like that but, really, we were drunk. I asked Mel if I did something stupid, like kissing Brian or something (only bc Jake kissed me goodnight once we were drunk and I didn't even remembered the next day) but she said no. So it was the proximity that bothered Adri. And she got hysterical. I understand her; she was drunk too, and she over reacts, that's just who she is, and I screwed up, simple as that. It was my fault but, really, couldn't she give me a break?

They all know I can hardly hold my liquor. Daniel, Brian and I... it's hard for us. But I like to drink, though I know it's wrong. Susan, well, she likes to drink, but she has to take care of the baby (whom, btw, goes to almost every single party with us. Diego?-- he likes beer, just like his daddy) Diego was there the whole day, so she didn't drink too much. Mel? well, she likes vodka, but she hardly ever has more than a glass or two; she's not into it that much. But Adri and I? We love our beer, and we would simply drink anything you put in front of us. I know it sounds awful, but reality isn't as bad as it sounds-- not always.

Anyway, Mel talked to me yesterday. I cried a lot. I had no idea Adri was mad, really. Brian called me last night. He told me everything Mel had. He and Adri had a fight on sunday, but they fixed it up. Adri is not mad bc she doesn't trust us; she's upset bc we made her look bad in front of her parents and everyone else there. She's right, I know. I felt like crap. She's one of my best friends, I mean-- I adore her. And just the thought of her being this mad at me made me sick. I actually thought I was gonna gag while I listened to Mel. She came to me bc she knew I didn't know. Brian called me for the same reason.

This morning I IM Adri by mobil. She answered and hour later. the message I got said this "I'm working out of town right now. I'll talk to you when I get home." She's coming home this friday. My message was longer and well-- pathetic. I told her I knew she didn't want to hear from me right now, but that I would never do something to make her feel bad on purpose, and that I was hopping she could hear my apology when she got back.

I don't know, I just feel fucking awful bc it was her birthday and it had all been so nice, and there I go, and do something like this. It was all good. Alcohol was under control, and I almost made it through the entire party with out doing anything stupid. And had to choose the last 30 minutes to go bad-glassing. I feel so bad, I could hardly sleep last night, what with the headache and the guilt-- I'm just a screw up. I hope baby Diego doesn't take anything after me.

Questions you'll NEVER be able to answer

2007-05-27T00:14:12Z

ss``Sometimes, when you're depressed, don't you start wondering this sort of stupid questions you know you'll find no answer to? Questions like "why am I like this?" or... "Why can't I be Orlie Bloom's girlfriend?". Silly examples, I know. But sometimes I just want to scream these questions and get a straight answer, but I know that's not possible.

They tell you the only one who can find the answer to this is... well, yourself. But really, I mean... who actually knows these things? They are pointless, meaningless questions, true; but that doesn't keep me from asking!

Why can't I just get it right?
(what exactly? doesn't matter. I'll settle for just about anything. Something)

Why am I not thinner?

Why can't every one just leave me alone?

Why, why am I so fat?

Why doesn't he love me?

Why is he with her?

Why can't I be somebody else?

Why is everything so hard??

Why am I even trying?

What could I do to make him like me?

Why do I like him so much?

What am I doing wrong?

Why didn't I meet him first?

Am I really the only one who can't do it?

Must I really do everything wrong?

Why don't I have a boyfriend?

How am I supposed to get over him?

Why am I such a loser?

Seriously, what's wrong with me?
(It does not help if your answer is everything)

What am I supposed to do now?

What's wrong with my parents?

Am I the only one who feels like...?

Why didn't I keep my mouth shut?

Why did I race my hand?

Why does chocolate have to make you fat?

Was today really necessary?

How can it hurt so much?

And now what?

Why me?
(And why not, right?)

the I, I, I's of BRiNitA

2007-05-26T14:47:15Z

Hi there!
oki so, this really is very much pointless, but just because there's not much to do I'll tell you what I mean with the I, I, I thing. And it is easy, really; with the I, I, I's, I mean frases we can never stop using, no matter the time, or what mood we are in, or the situations around us. The context may change, but this frases remain. The I, I, I's are stuff we constantly say about ourselves; some is true, and some of it (most of it, I'm afraid) we repeat in the hope of making it true. Frases that, no matter how things change, we'll probably always use... (sad. I should know).

Some of the I, I, I's of BRiNitA:

I... love him.

I... like you.

I don't understand.

I need some coffee.

I wanna be with him!

I will get it right... eventually.

I just need some time.

I'm so over him...
(this, of course, you always say, but it is never true. not really.)

I just. want. some coffee.

I don't need this.

I'm so sick of all your shite.

I know what to do...

I know exactly what to say to him.
(This too. I mean, you may say it but come on, you know you don't mean it)

I will take care of everything.

I'll kick you ass!

I don't know what to say.

I don't care!

I'll let you know...

"The night tastes like salt"

2007-05-17T15:12:34Z

this is a oneShot I wrote about Brenda and Dylan (from 90210). They are one of my fave all-time coupleS really... I don't know what's about them, maybe it's all the intensity, they just cannot get by without eachother for long. Maybe some of you haven't even heard about them, but not to worry, I'll be more than glad to introduce you to them later ;).

So... if don't know Brenda Walsh and Dylan Mckay, you probably won't get the exact meaning of this oneshot, but I'll love you forever and send Orlie Bloom to your place if you give it a chance!

Story: The night tasteS like salt
Autor: Brinita
Pairing: Dylan and Brenda (Beverly Hills 90210)
Sumary: After season 10, Dylan breaks up with Kelly and drinks his frustrations away, and the only thing he loves is lost to him forever... or is it?

He had gone and done it.

Dylan Mckay broke through order and calm and a glass shattered against his bedroom floor. When you want a drug as much as he wanted her, you do anything to get it. And should everything else fail, you destroy whatever you can find, including yourself.

He wanted to end it, destroying himself one piece at the time.He wanted to fall apart, only he couldn't.One forced laughed filled with desperation came out of his mouth. His lips were dry, so was his throat. Taking a look at the room surrounding him he sighed, both hands made their way through his hair, messing it ot more than it already was.

Feeling quite unsure standing on his own feet, he made his best to recognize himself on the mirrow.

“...And there you are”. Dylan tried to take a deep breath as he made his way to the minibar. Douzens of little bottles reminded him of the night before. He poured himself another glass of scotch and heared someone knocking on the door. The boy drank his liquor as he thought of her face; then anger overcame him.

There was another knock. “Beat it!” was his response.”Dylan, it's me, open the door!” The woman in the hallway sounded very upset. “It figures” Dylan said to himself. Thinking he might as well get it over with, he walked to the door and opened it.

-Dylan, you promised... - Her voice got lost.

So many years of trying, and everything fades in a moment.

-Yes well... old habits die hard... make yourself at home. – He turnd his back on her and before he knew it he was facing the minibar again.

“What are you doing?” Kelly Taylor took a few steps closer to him, but dared not to take the glass out of his hands. “Getting a refill. Help yourself, Kelly”.

-Dylan, why? I can't believe you did this, three days ago you were fine! What happened?

-What can I say?- He sipped half his glass -You know me, I like to be unpredictible.

She was furios, and how could she be anything else? Why, after all this time...

-I can't go through this again, what you expect me to do?

-I don't want you to go through anything, Kelly. Do whatever you want. That's what I am doing, can't you see?

Her eyes were swollen, her lips were shaking, and her insides burning with anger. Who did he think he was? Why, after all she'd done? He'd gone and done it this time.

They'd been in Palms Spring for three days now. Brenda and Brandon had been in California for two weeks, and Dylan had not been himself since then. That's why Kelly was so happy when he proposed her to get out of town for a couple of days, but now... why had she agreed? He was acting a bit strange in Beverly Hills but at least he was sober. She had hoped this trip would solve some of the troubles they were having, and now...

-I'm sick of this- the girl said -And I hate you for doing this to me!

-I'm not doing anything to you, not anymore, I'm doing it to me.

-Yeah, I guess you are right, because I'm leaving.

-Door's right there...

Door's right there? He had some nerve. Kelly regarded him with contempt. It still hurt, there was no doubt.

-You selfish, son of a bitch...- she muttered, loud enough for him to hear. --I'm ending this, Dylan. I don't care what you do anymore.

-Makes two of us... - He said, having trouble to keep his eyes open.

“Yes.” She said “Only you will come back, as you always do, and I won't be there waiting for you anymore.”

“Don't hold your breath.” Was his answer. She gave him one last look full of dispise and left the room. He heard the door slamed, and hated himself for the way he had treated her. After all, this was not really her fault.

He had lost Brenda forever the moment they saw eachother face to face again when she returned to Beverly Hills two weeks ago, he just knew it. He had seen into her eyes and found no love left. She had hugged him, kissed him hello and forgot him. She was really over him this time, he could tell. And now he had ruined things with Kelly.

He got off the couch, not as easily as he would have wanted to, and drank some more, rubbing his tired eyes with one hand. Looking up he found his reflexion staring back at him from the mirrow placed on the bedroom's wall. “You've gone and done it this time, Mckay.”

Well, if everything was lost, he would lose himself in the process, as he had told Kelly, he didn't care anymore. He didn't care what became of him. He was done for without her, and she had left him; gone to a place where he could not follow her; a place where their love belonged to the past, and it was okay not to yearn for eachother anymore. This time he made the glass shatter against the wall with all the intention.

He would fall apart, there was no doubt. But not yet. He could wait; he had waited more than he ever thought possible.

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBD

The next evening, the old gang was reunited (almost completely reunited) at the twins house's living room. Brandon, Brenda, Steve, Janet, Donna, Kelly and David.

Conversation was nice and almost nobody wondered what Dylan was doing and where, though Brandon had been a little anxious the whole afternoon. It was almost ten o'clock, and suddenly, all his unspoken questions were answered as he heard a fast car parking nearby and a car's door strongly slamed.

“What is that?” asked Janet as she heard car wheels scratching paviment. Brenda instinctively searched for her brother's eyes. She couldn't explain how, but she knew what the noise was, and one glimpse to Brandon told her hi knew it too.

“I don't know...”Brandon lied, before looking at Brenda and leaving the couch where he had been seatted.

The question broke through all their ears and put nervous looks on all their faces:

“Are you happy now!” A rough voice coming from outside the house yelled, a voice they all knew. A voice Brenda knew as well as the car sound she'd heard ten seconds before.

It was happening all way too fast. One minute they were not even thinking about him and the next? Next moment his voice was taking the breath out of everybody's chest.

The rain was not extremly strong, but it could still be heard inside the house where the friends were.

-Is that... -Donna started.

-It's Dylan!- her husband exclaimed what they all but Janet already knew.

Dylan Mckay made his way from his car to the Walsh house front yard, which was something, considering the level of alcohol in his body. Cold rain brushing against his trembling body, but he didn't feel the cold. He felt nothing anymore, or maybe he felt averything he had been trying to keep bottled up for years... all at the same time. What was the difference? It all ended there, and he was there to let her know so.

“It's all over for you, isn't it? It will all turn out just fine!” He shouted, standing in the middle of the yard, looking at the courtain that covered the front windows.

“What's Dylan doing here?” Asked Donna.

“I thought he was still out of town” Steve murmured.

“...Yeah!”
Dylan's screams again, tearing up everyone's brains.

What was he doing there? Brenda knew he had been drinking as soon as the car parked. Maybe even before that; when he and Kelly had gone to say goodbye before leaving four days ago... she had seen the battle inside him as he paced around the kitchen talking to Brandon. She remembered the way he had avoided her gaze a couple of times. Brenda had felt scared, knowing that was a battle he would not win; not that time. As he and Kelly drove away she had wished with all her heart she was mistaken; but there he was.

“Shouldn't we take him in?” Janet looked around and found the six friends equally puzzled.

Dylan took a few uncertain steps in the yard, regarding the house and somehow feeling sure he was being heard. Heard by her.
“Yeah... it's always easy for you...” God, even now... now that they were both giving up, she was still the one listening from inside the living room and he was the one shouting his guts out in the fucking rain.

In times like this, when he was forced to watch his whole world crumbling, it was easier to think she had always been the first to walk away. Yeah, he had cheated on her some seven years ago or so, and why? Who had left who in the first place? Breaking up with him out of the blue, then going to France... breaking up with him again, then going away to Minnesota and leaving again to fucking Europe. Breaking up with him in England and coming back, two years later, as if it was anything else. Who did she think she was? He was sick of being the bad guy all the time. Of course he was a screw up, so he had acknowledged the part. He destroyed everything he touch, eventually, but if she didn't even care... if she was over him, then there was no reason why he should keep on carrying the weight. Hell with everything. To hell with her forgiveness, he did not need that; nor did he need her pitty, he was now free to throw it all to her face.

“We just broke up” with a mortified face Kelly explained Janet the reason Dylan had to behave the way he was doing. “I guess he was drinking again”.

“This is not your fault, Kelly” Janet comforted her. “Yeah, I know”. Brandon tried to make aye contact with Brenda, knowing there was only one person who could pushed Dylan over the edge like that as well as keeping him from it. For two seconds he succeded, but his sister looked away, biting her lip, faster than he would have wanted.

Everyone was now standing, pacing up and down the room with heavy gazes. Brenda found herself a little forward than the rest of her friends with her back turned to them, and her eyess locked on the window that allowed them to see Dylan whilst making the boy unable to see them. Kelly Taylor stepped a closer to her friend.

Only Brenda's eyes were the same than before she left Beverly Hills and Dylan, so many years ago; every other bit of her aspect had been altered a little. Her hair, her clothes, her nails, her walking, ever her voice.

“I guess this must be hard for you... to see him like this?” Kelly softly asked Brenda. Yeah well, they'd both loved Dylan, each of them in her own way, it didn't matter if Brenda had loved him the most (Kelly knew that was the truth). They had both cried for him and enjoyed life with him at different times. Brenda tried to let out the words, but she had trouble finding her voice. She couldn't take her eyes off the boy standing outside her house in the rain.

“...It's always hard.” She whispered, more to herself than to Kelly. Brandon got rid of all the space between them, and took his sister's hand.

Still outside, Dylan fought for air. Tthe cold breeze was not doing it for him. His shirt, his troussers, everything was soaked now. His instinct took one hand and guided it to his hair. He almost pulled it as he felt water coming down through his cheeks, knowing he wasn't able to fight his bitter tears any longer and hating himself and everyone else for it.

“I don't care, you know?... Not anymore!” Dylan shouted.
Was hope stronger than love? Maybe love had died long ago, and now all hope was lost. In a world where everything you care for is certain to fade away, he would end up drowing insde himself. He was tired. The scotch was taking it's toll. Years of retained tears and bittersweet love were taking their toll.
“It all comes and goes with you!” He reproached her with a cynical laught.

“I knew he would come back... but not like that.” Kelly commented. “Maybe I should go home with him...” Steve shook his head “No, Kelly. It's not safe.”

“You don't understand, he won't leave without me... he's always like this, everytime we...”

An empty bottle hit the grass. Why the hell had he had all that much to drink and... what did it mattered now? He wanted to scream all his missery out. He wanted her heart to shattered just as his had.
Dylan had no strenght left, nevertheless he was still standing, cold fabrics sticking to his skin because of the water. His foot kicked and he felt the wet dirt. He wouldn't take the blame, not anymore; because he had loved her more than any man had ever loved a woman, and this was all her doing. How could he change what he was? She had said hundreds of times she loved him just like that, but had abandoned him anyway. Fuck it; he had done sacrifices for her too. If he was a coward, well, so was she.

“Who's running from who now, uh?... answer me!”

David Silver knew something had to be done, if only he knew what, if only his mind was not so blury. “The police will come...” he finaly said, for lack of something better. Brenda took a step closer to the window. She didn't know if she wanted him to see her or not. She prayed Brandon would do something but didn't ask him to, and he did not move.

Two years ago, when Dylan had started drinking again in London, she had promised herself not to go down that road again. She would have helped him out of it, but he had given up. “You are better off” he had told her. If he was not sure their love was worth fighting for, then why should she be the one who suffered, all over again?

“I know you... better than anyone!” Dylan yelled, arms wide opened “I. know you!!... and even if you try to hide it... even if you lie to yourself... I know, that you came back because of me!” He wanted to destroy something before destroying himself. Love couldn't save him from what lied inside him. Not anymore. As he felt rain between his empty palms and his breaking voice rised to the black sky, he knew peace would never find him again, because she had renounced to him, and she was the only thing worth to hold on to in the mayhem of his life.

“You can't stay away from me! No more than I can stay away from you!...” Feeling his feet were failling him, he fell on his knees and covered his face with his hands. Inside the house, Kelly was starting to realize what it was all about, as she saw tears brushing down Brenda's face.

“Kelly... is this because the two of you broke up or...”.
”Or what?” Kelly snapped at Janet.
“Well...” David dared “Seems like...”

“I am flawed!... I'm completely fucked up! But you will always... always let me find you, cuz you know deep inside... that you can't stop loving me!” More than anything he wanted to believe it was true. It wouldn't do him much good, but if he was going down... if he was gonna hit bottom, he needed to take that with him because, as stupid as it was (and here he bit his lip) he still fucking loved her anyway.

“Damn it!... I'd wish I could hate you!”

I once was looking for a lifetime with you
And I do a number on myself
And all that I thought to be
And you'll be the one
That just left me undone
By my own, hesitation
and for the million hours that we were
well I'll smile and remember it all
then I'll turn and go
while your story's completed mine is a long way from done.

Well I'm on a champagne high
Where will I be when I stop wondering why
On a champagne high
I'd toast to the future but that'd be a lie
On a champagne high, high

Spring turned to summer
But then winter turned to mean
The distance seemed right
At the time it was best to leave
And to leave behind
What I once thought was fine And so real to me
And while I'm still gone
On the quest for my song
I'm at your celebration

Yeah what little I have you can borrow
'Cause I'm old and I'm blue...

Well I'm on a champagne high, so high
Where will I be when I stop wondering “why”
On a champagne high, so high
Toast to the future but that'd be a lie
On a champagne high
Where will I be when I stop wondering “why”
On a champagne high... high...
So high so high you left me undone
so high, so high you left me undone....

Janet: My lord...

Donna: Brenda...

Janet: I thought you said this was about you, Kelly.

Kelly: and who says it's not?

Then he just caved in. Cracking up, breaking down, tears falling freely. He cursed, angry to see what he had been reduced to.
Brenda's heart missed a beat as she watched the boy that had become the man who still was the love of her life. Holding her breath and crying at the sight of him. In the world she and Dylan had created together, there were no middle points; it was... it had always been all or nothing with them. Looking back, underneath it all, she always knew she was stronger. Love can wear you out. Back in London he had given up, now two years later she doubted he had any force left within him.

Dylan took a little comfort in the wet grass beneath his knees. It was firm, and for the first time in the evening he felt cold. Love had become a weakness long time ago, now it was nothing but a burden. Seeing his life in a turmoil of images he relized Brenda was not meant to be in it forever. The times they had sheared now seemed like brief moments of joy, followed by long periods of despair. She was the only luxury he could no longer aford. Dylan buried his hands as deep as he could on the soft dirt and squeezed it between his fingers, trying to get a get a grip on himself. He knew a confession at this point would be somewhat pitiful. He had confessed his love to that woman so many times before and now he felt ashamed of himself.

“...You brake me from inside!” He finally managed between the sobs “It burns not having you!... is that what you wanted to hear?!”

Still inside the house, Brenda covered her tearful eyes and, for a moment, she tried to imagine Dylan's life had not turned out to be this miserable; that the person she loved the most had not reached the point of no return, and that she hadn't contributed to it. Kneeling down on the wood floor. Breathing in and breathing out. Time seemed to be standing still as Brandon hugged her from behind.

Dylan swallowed through the tears and the bump in his aching throat seemed smaller. He wanted out. The pressure over his chest was excruciating.

Yeah what little I have you can borrow
'Cause I'm old and I'm blue...

The walls were falling down and all that was left was plain old Dylan. Good for nothing Dylan. He had been pretending half his life, and didn't want to pretend anymore. Leting her into his world had been the worst and best thing he had ever done. Not having her was exausting. Life without her was unbearable.

“But all I do... everything inside me!... all I am... is because of you!” he admitted with all the might of his throat.

while your story's completed mine is a long way from done.
Well I'm on a champagne high
Where will I be when I stop wondering why

“Is it not enough?... Will it ever be enough!”

Brenda muttered his name to herself with shaking lips. All her emotions were drawning her. Beneath the stormy night, Dylan ultimately let go; no hope or pride left. This being who he really was.

“Brendaaa!... please!” He yelled, swallowing the salty water rolling into his mouth. “Please!... don't you just... Breeeen!!!”

The air had left the room where the friends were standing long ago. They just stood there, amazed and heartbroken. Brandon felt his sister freeing herself gently from his hold and had not to turn around to know how she stormed out of the room towards the front door. Brenda opened it and stood in the rain for a second before walking to meet him. Dylan looked up, his eyes found hers and his heart stopped. He rised and met her half way through the yard.

He did not know why she was out there and he didn't care, or maybe he knew it too damn well but dared not to believe it. His arms wrapped around her body as soon as she was within his reach, and he held her tight, sobbing against her now wet shoulder and feeling her hand caressing his hair.

Looking through the window, Donna couldn't fight the tears anymore and squeezed Brandon's hand as David hugged her. Kelly, although disapointed, couldn't help to be touched, she knew, as well as everybody else that this was only the beginning of a very tought time for Dylan. A twinge of jealousy bit her heart, but she had been waiting for this to happened for a long time now, when Brenda came back, she knew deep inside she and Dylan were through.

Brenda held Dylan's shivering body and, as she had done so many times before, she made him know there was still a safe place for him in the wolrd. No words were needed; he knew her, better than anyone he knew her. She was a fighter and she was his. How he had longed for her in the past years, and there she was.

Bren smiled to herself as she felt Dylan's arms around her. She knew it was a never ending ride with him and her, one that started so many years ago, and now she was getting in again, accepting the challenge once more; the challenge of proving love could defeat anything else.

As much of a screwed up as he might be, he still took her breath away with his touch; she thought it a good sign.

-Why did you leave me...- He whispered, his voice breaking in her ear.

-Hush – Bren said softly, caressing his lips with hers in a sweet kiss. Dylan lost himself in her huge eyes and found everything he had been looking for.

-I'm always here – Bren assured him, just before Dylan's lips found hers again in a more passionate embrace.

brinita @ 2007-05-12T20:49:00

2007-05-13T02:55:02Z

got any movie cravingS? I've got a few.. and this are my options for today:

1 Ever After

2 Alexander

3 Romeo+Juliet

4 Anything else